


The Land of Insufferable Preachers and Haughty Greasers

by Toastyquinn



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Celibacy, Dream Bubbles, I used some of my own headcanons, M/M, Red Romance, Triggers, Unconfident Kankri, guess who's celibate, it's Cronus, just kidding, so there's that, surprise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-26
Updated: 2014-06-12
Packaged: 2018-01-26 13:31:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1690097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toastyquinn/pseuds/Toastyquinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were both standing on the doorstep of Kankri's hive when you kissed him, just lightly, on the cheek. Really, it was more of a soft glance of your lips against the side of his face, but you knew for a fact that he had never been kissed before. </p><p>You expected him to, at the very least, reject you, or say that he wanted you to leave. Worst-case-scenario, he would slap you, and tell everyone about what you had tried to do. </p><p>You never would have imagined -- not in your wildest dreams -- what he had done next.</p><p>(Holy crap, over a hundred kudos? Wow, you guys sure know how to make someone's entire year! I would like to give a huge thank you to every person who read this story, commented, bookmarked, or left a kudos! Your support means the world to me!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. >Cronus: Daydream

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Don't Listen to Them](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1588901) by [Newtavore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Newtavore/pseuds/Newtavore). 



> lmao this is trash sorry

Your name is Cronus Ampora, and you are going to be late.

Today was supposed to be the big meeting. Kankri was gathering everyone together to talk about something to do with some plan Meenah had, that will no doubt contain something about triggers. You vaguely wonder for a brief moment what everyone is going to say about all of this. 

You then dismiss the thought almost as soon as it came, when you remember that Kankri will be leading the meeting, and that no one else is going to be ABLE to say anything.

Speaking of Kankri, you and him have been Matesprits for a while now. Well, actually, you don't really know how long it's been. It's kinda hard to tell a sweep apart from an hour in the dream bubbles. 

It didn't really feel like that long, though, not with him.

Kankri had always been very talkative, and he rarely ever let anyone else get a word in. When he did though, he listened intently and came up with a whole lot of reasons why he either supported that person's opinion, or was against it. Let's just say that you wouldn't want to be on the receiving end if he didn't agree with you.

You still remember how you two started.

You had been asking Kankri out every chance you got, but only when it was the two of you. He would be preaching something about slurs and hemophobia to you, and then you'd try to make a move, or you'd purposely seek him out and ask him.

You'd always leave him some way to escape, just because you liked the chase.

One day though, you just couldn't take it anymore. You looked everywhere, until you finally found him. He was talking to his dancestor, who looked bored out of his skull. Poor kid, never even knew what hit him.

As soon as you found Kankri, you dragged him away from his dancestor (you think his name is something like Karkat, but it's really hard to tell when everyone who knows him calls him something different), who pretty much booked it out of there as soon as possible.

You pulled Kankri along, without saying a word, until you got to a private place. Once there, you pushed him up against a wall, pressing into him slightly. There was no way he was getting out of this. Kankri had shifted uncomfortably, trying to escape, but he was trapped.

Only now do you realize that this was probably the worst thing you could have done.

"Cronus, if you could please unhand me, and take a few steps back so that you are at a comfortable distance, I would very much appreciate it. Also, a better alternative to your current actions would have been to simply approach me where I was. You really went out of your way just to speak with me alone. If you wanted privacy, I could have sent Karkat away, as we can always continue our sessions at a later date. He may have been a might disappointed, but if the topic that you wish to discuss with me is of such importance that you needed this privacy, I'm sure that Karkat would have understood," Kankri had said, looking regretful. "I should return to him, in order to give him guidance on what he should do at this moment to keep himself occupied. The fact that you took me away so suddenly was probably very triggering to him. Leaving as suddenly as I did, Karkat could be left with feelings of abandonment, hurt, fear, confusion, or any other amount of unpleasant triggering emotions. This is why it upsets me so when others do not tag their triggers, as I sometimes fear that I may unnerve them, or that they could fall victim to-"

"Kankri," you had interrupted him.

"Yes? I am sorry, I appear to have told you some things that you probably did not care to listen to. I hope that was not triggering, as I know you don't care to 'beat around the bush', as it were. Please, do carry on with what you were going to tell me," he had continued.

"Just go out with me already, Kanny!", you had sighed, demanding.

Lately, you had been getting really annoyed by how much you were being rejected. People wouldn't even give you the time of night. You had already gotten used to it, to be honest, because your invitations don't actually work. When you started asking Kankri out, you just sorta thought he'd say 'yes'. 

He's in the same boat as you, after all.

"We have been over this, Cronus, and I am sorry that I must inform you again, but I'm afraid that this will be the case for as long as you continue to ask me. Firstly, it would not be fair to you if I allowed you to court me, as I am afraid that I do not share your feelings of attraction. That would be rude and insensitive of me, and I do not wish to take advantage of any peer in this manner, or in general. Second of all, this newfound position would not stay private for long, as our friends enjoy immersing themselves in others' personal lives. I do not wish to be in a relationship that involves all of our friends, as well as ourselves, as intimate affairs such as this should not be broadcasted. Thirdly, if we courted, and our relationship ended, I am exceedingly sure that you would hold it against me, in order to force me to side with you if any sort of argument arose pertaining to you. Also, I would prefer if the use of said nickname was discontinued," Kankri had gone on.

"C'mon, Chief! Just gimme a chance! I promise I'll be good to you, and if we split, I won't make a big deal out of it. We can even stay as close as we are now, if you want. I won't try to blackmail you. I'll try my best to keep our relationship on the down low, too," you had drawled in your cool, gangster-like way.

Kankri had seemed to be considering.

"Besides, Kank, I don't believe for one second that you aren't at least a little attracted to me."

Kankri had made an indignant scoffing noise, and his face turned bright crimson. He continued to redden as you encroached deeper and deeper into his personal space.

"Be that as it may, the other two reasons still stand. Plus-"

"So you admit it! You do have a crush on me!"

"Well, to some extent, yes. I don't really know how I could have let such feelings surface, much less get in the way of the important ordeals that I face in the everyday."

"So, you got any more reasons that I can blow out of the water with my amazing logic skills?"

"You are ever the epitome of modesty, Cronus. That was a bit of your 'human sarcasm' by the way, and I hope that I did not offend you with it's use. As I was trying to say before, another reason as to why it would be a bad idea for us to date is for your... needs. I know for a fact that you choose the objects of your affections based on how much you want to sleep with them, how attractive they are, and how "easy" you think they are. While I am somewhat flattered that you chose me, I am afraid that I cannot partake in said aforementioned "activity", or anything closely related to it, as I have vowed celibacy. I do not feel that I require to entertain such needs myself, as they are more trivial, primal urges, rather than actual necessities. I am far above such desires. As well, being my matesprit would also imply that you would be by my side, at least some of the time. I do not believe that you would stay with me, especially including the former reason, as you do like to flirt with just about everyone and everything, living or dead."

"Hey, don't worry about that stuff! I'm not asking you to be my matesprit, or if I can pail you. All I want is one date, Kanny! And I could respect your vow, if our relationship were to... develop into something bigger. I'll go as slow as you want me to. Hell, we don't ever have to do it at all!", you had reasoned.

When he didn't say anything, you had continued, "See Kankri, you don't have to feel like you need to put out like that. We can take things slow, and I'll respect your boundaries. I'm pretty low-maintenance. And don't you even worry about my loyalty. I will be so loyal to you, and I won't just go off and try to hit on someone else behind your back. You can even go spy on me, if you want!"

You still remember the look on his face then.

He had looked utterly shocked, and a little terrified, too. The terror was partly from the fact that you were actually willing to commit to him, and also because you were way too far into his personal bubble, and getting closer every second.

"So, what do you say, Kank? You gonna finally give in and just go out with me already? If it doesn't work out, I'll leave you alone! Like I said, we don't have to make a big deal out of this," you had whispered in his ear.

"Well... I suppose... ONE date couldn't hurt. However, if you move too fast, or do anything that I am uncomfortable with, I can assure you that it will be our last date. I am not normally a risky person, Cronus, and-"

"And don't worry Chief! I'll be a safe bet! I'm sure you've heard a lot of terrible stuff about me, but I promise, those are all just dumb rumours. None of our friends have ever actually dated me, you're the first, so I'm gonna give you everything I have!", you had beamed, releasing him and bursting with excitement.

The next day, you two had gone on your first date. 

It was in a private area of the dream bubble where most people didn't really go. You had been nice, gentle, polite, caring, and hadn't over-stepped any boundaries. Kankri was surprised by how much of a gentleman you were, and you were surprised by how shy he was.

By the end of the date, Kankri was actually, genuinely smiling, which is something that he never normally did.

You had insisted that you drop Kankri off at his "hive". He protested at first, but eventually just gave up and let you lead him. You wanted to finish off the date with a kiss on the lips, which was normally the custom for first dates, but you figured it would have been better if you took it slow with him.

It was his very first date, after all.

You were both standing on the doorstep of Kankri's hive when you kissed him, just lightly, on the cheek. Really, it was more of a soft glance of your lips against the side of his face, but you knew for a fact that he had never been kissed before. 

You expected him to, at the very least, reject you, or say that he wanted you to leave. Worst-case-scenario, he would slap you, and tell everyone about what you had tried to do. 

You never would have imagined -- not in your wildest dreams -- what he had done next.

Kankri had put his little, slender hands up to his cheek, right where your lips had touched, looking at you in shock. Then, he put his hands up in front of the bottom half of his face, and giggled into them like a young schoolgirl, blushing furiously.

It was probably the cutest thing you had ever seen in your entire life.

From then on, he was pretty much all that you thought about. Eventually, your dates became a regular occurrence, and the two of you would meet up in secret almost every day to hang out.

At the end, you would always kiss Kankri on the cheek. Every time.

He loved it. You could tell because you loved it, too. You would always shower him in affection, whether it was kind words and compliments, or some small form of physical contact. You always let him know that you really did pity him.

You remember -- after you two had been going on these dates for an extremely long amount of time -- that Kankri had invited you inside once.

You were a little nervous to enter his hive, even if it wasn't technically his real one. Only a handful of people had ever seen it. Kankri was always very careful with the people that he let into his life, but he made sure that no one actually saw the real side of him.

Needless to say, this was a huge advancement in your relationship.

You had stepped over the threshold, into a small, tidy living-room. There was one couch, a carpet beneath it, and a table in front of it. Many tall bookshelves lined the walls, but there didn't seem to be a television. If you didn't know who's hive you were in, you definitely would have guessed it was Kankri's. It just suited him.

"Damn, Kanny. You seriously read all of these books?", was the first thing that came out of your mouth.

He had simply looked away from you shyly, nodding once.

"That's amazing! You must be an even faster reader than Aranea, 'cause you have way more books than she does!"

"This isn't even an eighth of my collection," he had responded quietly.

You remember turning to see Kankri blushing and looking down at the floor. You remember him asking you- You had said 'yes', of course. 

You also remember walking over to him, taking his face in your hands, and kissing him.

Well... you ALMOST kissed him.

Kankri had stopped you before you could bring yourself close enough to him. He had told you that he wasn't ready yet, that he was scared. You had just nuzzled your cheek against his, earning you a slight gasp.

Then, you had once again removed yourself from Kankri's personal bubble, taken his hand, and asked for the "grand tour" of his hive.

Over the course of your relationship, you've come to realize that you both mean so much to each other. You hadn't really figured it out, until you started to focus on the little things that the two of you do.

You make sure that Kankri knows that you pity him. Every single day, you tell him, whether you're at his door early in the morning, or hanging around either of your hives with him. You always make sure that he knows you'll be there.

In return, Kankri opens up to you.

He considers himself to be friends with everyone, but he doesn't trust any of them, not really, not anywhere near how he trusts you. You used to think he was even more stuck-up than you, until he let you in. 

The first time you saw Kankri, without all of his big words and lectures, was on your first date, when he smiled, and laughed, and actually had fun for once.

You definitely like the real side of him best, instead of the one that everyone else sees.

Kankri also got you started with a ritual. Every night, after you see him, you kiss him goodbye. To this day, you still haven't fully kissed, but you're perfectly fine with that, as long as he is still yours.

What the hell are you doing? You don't have time for daydreaming, you have a meeting to get to!


	2. >Cronus: Attend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe how many people actually liked this! Here's chapter two, I guess...
> 
> (Sorry that this chapter is so short! Seriously, why do you people like my writing?!)

You run faster than you think you've ever ran in your entire life.

You stop just far enough away from where the meeting is being held -- where no one can see you -- to catch your breath. You have to make an entrance, after all.

A thought occurs to you.

You suddenly remember that you don't need to breathe -- because you're dead -- and you take a running start as you jump off the top of the small, golden staircase. You land at the bottom, crouched for a second, before standing up straight, running a comb through your hair, and dusting off the imaginary dirt. So suave.

The look on Kankri's face is priceless. 

His white, pupil-less eyes are open as wide as they could possibly get. His posture is as stiff as a board. He looked to be in the middle of speaking, his mouth open slightly and his hands poised. You're pretty sure you hear a few sighs of relief as Kankri stops speaking.

"Hey, my cats and kittens, what's shakin'? How's it goin'? Hope I didn't miss too much. Hey, Meenah, long time, no see. Still rockin' those fish puns, eh?", you ask casually, nodding your head in her direction. 

You go on, not waiting for her to reply. "Diggin' the sweater, Kanny, as always," you continue, smirking at your matesprit good-naturedly.

Kankri simply blinks twice, before resuming his usual stature.

"Why, hello Cronus. I thank you for remembering to attend this speech- I mean meeting. Even though you were a few minutes later than the agreed-upon time, I am glad that you made it nevertheless. It is very important that everyone is here, as many, if not all of the topics that we discuss here today will be vitally important, and most likely will not be brought up again in a daily, casual setting. If you would please take your seat, I'm sure that we would all be very jocund to continue with this lecture- I mean gathering," Kankri greets you with a small, hidden, almost unnoticeable smile, and gestures towards the rest of the group.

Kankri is still a little set in his ways, you've noticed. 

He tries so hard to be perfect all the time, and as a result he sometimes lets things slip that he didn't really mean to say, even if they aren't really "triggering" things. He gets stressed a lot, but he would never, ever take it out on any of you. Kankri cares about you all, too much.

You really don't deserve him.

"You got it, chief! Gather away! Don't mind me!", you call over your shoulder as you take a seat on the ground behind everyone else -- mostly because you want to be able to make googley-eyes at Kankri without anyone noticing, but also because no one would want to sit with you anyway.

Kankri, of course, continues the meeting just as before.

You mostly zone out during Kankri's monologue, but not because you're bored. His voice -- at least to you -- is the best sound you have ever heard. It's so soothing, just hearing the tone of Kankri's voice never fails to calm you down. You just love everything about the way he talks, like the fact that he's always so articulate, and never slurs his speech at all, even if he gets a little flustered. 

You love watching his lips make different shapes to form the right words, and the small, simple movements that his hands make on impulse as he speaks. 

His voice is like music to your ears, even if Kankri thinks that you'd probably leave him because he talks so much. You, on the other hand, think that that is a ridiculous reason for anyone to break up with someone else. 

Kankri's voice is too nice, anyway. So nice, in fact, that sometimes it sounds like there are two voices in it entirely, a lower, bass tone, blended with a softer, more reluctant voice. You can only hear the lower one when Kankri speaks loud, which is virtually never.

You don't know how you could ever leave him, because you're pretty sure you might be addicted.

Eventually, Kankri looks back up from where he was focusing on the floor. He has a frustrated look on his face, instead of the normal, knowing expression. This caught you off guard, because Kankri is normally extremely passive, and never gets mad anymore.

He lets out a sigh, the frustrated expression gone, replaced with a disappointed one. You discover that you really don't like it when Kankri looks like this, because it probably means that he's upset.

"Before I continue, may I ask, was anyone actually listening to what I was saying?", Kankri questions, crossing his arms.

You didn't even get the chance to say anything, because someone beat you to the punch.

"Naught a flipping word, Can! Cod, I'm reely bored, I might actually keel over from boredom!", Meenah called from her place in the front.

Kankri raised his eyebrows. Meenah was always one to twist the fork.

"Yes, Kanny, I agree. Your tirade is definitely insufferable at this point. Good work, it normally takes a while before my ears start to bleed," Porrim deadpans, smirking.

You hear a few laughs from the crowd of trolls you THOUGHT were your friends. Kankri looks down-trodden, biting his lip before searching everyone's faces. His eyes land on Latula.

"Sorry, Kankles, but I gotta go with merrygamz and paymoney on this one. I just ain't picking up what you're putting down, you feel me? Your speeches can get hella tedious and I'm pretty sure all of these rad fuckers think you're a major snooze. Total buzz kill, broham," Latula pitched in, Mituna snoring loudly against her shoulder.

By now, Kankri was looking desperate.

Damara yelled something that you couldn't understand in Kankri's general direction, and he looked shocked, hurt skimming across his features for a second, before his face returned to disappointed again.

Mituna let out a snort of laughter, and a slightly butchered 'amen'. You hadn't realized he'd been awake.

"Is this the way that all of you-"

"Yes! My cod Kankri! How unfintelligent are you? Could you reelly naught tell? Everyone alwaves avoids your preachy ass for a fucking reefson! Seariously, no one wants to lisfin to or hear aboat your shelf finportant abaloney, kay? Naught evfin Cronus will hit on you! No moby wants you here, so why don't you just leave?", Meenah smirks, cutting Kankri off.

Kankri looks at you desperately, and for a moment, it's as if time has stopped. 

Then, suddenly, Kankri's gone, disappearing with a flash of red.

You stand up and make your way to the front of the group, and up the three steps to the landing where Kankri was standing. Everyone is watching you.

"You guys are complete assholes," you state simply.

You dash back up the rest of the stairs after Kankri. Damn, he can move fast when he wants to. Good thing you know exactly where he is. 

You just hope you can get there on time.

You run faster than your legs should be able to carry you, which is pretty damn fast, considering how fast you could run when you were alive. You can't be late, not this time. You're so glad you've gotten to know Kankri over such a long amount of time, or you'd think this was funny.

You dash through forests and hedges and lawn-rings that aren't really there. Things and places that others have dreamt or remembered. This is the place in the bubble where all of the memories go to die.

You just hope Kankri hasn't come here for the same reason.

If this had happened before you two had started dating, you would have laughed it off. It all would have been a huge joke. Not now.

You've learned how insecure Kankri really is, for so many reasons. He hates his own blood colour, and worries that he'll never be good enough for you, no matter how much you tell him you love him. Kankri hates virtually everything about himself, actually.

He's so guilty for how rude and angry he used to be to people. He feels terrible for hurting others' feelings, and shaming all of the highbloods for something they can't control. 

Kankri thinks they hate him, and they probably do, judging by what you've seen today.

It isn't his fault that he talks so much, though. It's his defence mechanism, and since he's so shy and afraid to interact with people, Kankri tends to talk a lot to avoid bringing the subject back to him.

You pick up speed, which is almost an impossible thing to do at this point, but you don't care because you're running on adrenaline, and nothing is going to stop the fire coursing through your veins until you find him. Please don't be too late.

In this moment, you think you truly realize how much you love Kankri Vantas.

You love him with a burning passion. You love him with the intensity of a hundred exploding horror-terrors, and would scream twice as loud for him if he needed you to. You would follow him to the ends of the dream bubble, which you guess is sort of what you're doing, anyway. 

You know that he's a troll, and you're humankin, but you want to marry him someday.

You're weaving over, around, and under thick branches from the conifers of the forest. You climb over the logs, splash through the streams, and evade the branches. Eventually, you give up on trying to avoid the spiny tendrils, and push through them, snapping them easily. 

You wreck the trees, crashing past the wooden barriers, before tumbling face-first into a large clearing.

This time, you actually have to dust yourself off.

You look around, getting to your feet. You're at the end of the forest, and the ground is dirt for a little while, before transcending into lush, green grass. You follow the grass, until your eyes catch a figure standing in the distance. 

_Could that be...?_

"Kankri!", you call out to him, running over.

The figure turns. It's definitely Kankri. He offers you a small wave, and he's waving goodbye to you. You see it now.

As you get closer to Kankri, you realize that he's standing in front of a cliff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! I love cliff hangers. If anyone has read my first story, you should probably already know that.
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who is giving me kudos, comments, and... BOOKMARKS!? Damn, I never would have dreamed that I'd actually get bookmarks! I seriously cannot thank you all enough!
> 
> (Feel free to leave me any prompts or suggestions; not just for this monstrosity, but for future endeavours!)


	3. >Kankri: Be done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three! I'm so happy that you all are liking this (at least from what I've heard) and... yeah.
> 
> I don't really know where I was going with that sentence... (But thank you all so much anyways!)

Your name is Kankri Vantas, and you are so done.

Not literally, of course. It's not like you were going to jump off of this cliff and kill yourself a second time or anything. That would be utterly frivolous and over dramatic of you. You just really needed some time to calm down. You don't know what kind of imbecile would actually think that you'd-

"Kankri! Wait! Don't do it! Don't jump! We can talk about this! You have so much to live for!", your matesprit, Cronus Ampora, shrieks, sprinting towards you.

Oh dear.

It would seem as though you have worried Cronus, which is most likely altogether very triggering for him. You can just imagine how he must feel, with the way you stormed out of the meeting. The things that must be going through his head right now. He must feel as though he betrayed you, and maybe he thinks you are saddened by what happened in there.

You, of course, will not admit that you are, for fear of further triggering your poor matesprit.

As he gets closer, you turn around. Cronus is waving his arms around, his fins flaring in a grand display, and while he looks quite ridiculous right now, you really don't have the time, nor the heart to tell him.

You deftly take a step to the right, to avoid being run over. 

The only problem with this action is the fact that the cliffside isn't as stable as you had hoped, and it begins to crumble underneath your feet. You panic, losing you balance as you start to fall backwards. 

While tumbling away from this precarious situation would normally have been a blessing, it would seems that the fastest way to the bottom of the abyss below is behind you.

Cronus seems to realize that, even if you do manage catch your balance (which would be a nigh impossible feat), the rocks underneath your feet are still going to give out, regardless. He lurches forward, grabbing at your extremely slight frame, and picks you up in a 'bridal-style' position.

You cling helplessly to his neck as you are pulled to safety, your gaze resting on Cronus' face.

When you are a good distance away from the cliffside, you both work on catching your breath. You politely, albeit breathlessly, request for Cronus to put you down, which he rejects, before carrying you over to the shade of a nearby tree. Cronus sits himself down in the grass, his back against said aforementioned tree, and puts you in his lap.

You wriggle around, trying to get free, before Cronus puts his arms around you and holds you close to him.

Needless to say, this is the closest in your existence that you have ever been to another living creature, let alone Cronus, and you aren't sure how to feel. You feel a slight discomfort at this new position, but you also feel a strange, warm sensation, which is somewhat pleasant, you suppose.

You both sit in silence for a while, Cronus holding you in his lap, and you being extremely awkward, due to lack of knowledge as to both why he is doing this, and how you feel about it.

Cronus eventually speaks.

"Are you gonna tell me what the hell just happened, Kankri?", he asks.

"I am sure that you know quite well of the events that transpired, Cronus. I am quite confident that your think-pan was capable of processing that, as harrowing and nerve-racking as it was. However, if you are referring as to what happened in the meeting, I am not entirely sure myself. I did not expect our friends to react in such a way, and I believe that next time, I will proceed with more caution, and tag extra statements with trigger warnings, to ensure that everyone present is prepared for a slightly offending remark, if any. I will also try to review my segments and eliminate such remotely triggering remarks, as I am sure that I have triggered our comrades in some way," you reply, surprised that Cronus had let you finish.

"Kan... Are you... are you ok? You seemed kinda upset by what they said, and... I thought you might try to do something... I dunno... drastic," Cronus looks at you, his face wrought with concern.

"I can assure you that I am fine, and that you've absolutely nothing to worry about. I am no longer effected by such things in the slightest. I simply felt as though our group of friends are a lost cause at the moment, as they seemed to be a might disgruntled. As I said before, I do fear that I have triggered the poor souls by saying something that I had overlooked beforehand. That segment will need much improvement before I can deliver it again, and I should not have rushed to get it done in the first place. Besides, I am used to people saying worse things to me when I have spoken, whether they are my friend or not. As for the 'drastic' action you spoke of, I intend to put those thoughts to rest. Cronus, I can honestly say that I am not going to commit suicide, as I feel that would be a very selfish choice. Not that I am promoting myself as vane, but simply that I have devoted my life to the gathering and spreading of knowledge, and it would be selfish of me to kill myself again, and leave the task to someone else. It would be quite the burden for someone else to carry, after all. Dying once is one thing, however dying twice would be unfortunate, as I am afraid I would disappear for good. I am sure that we are all aware of this," you explain.

Cronus simply gives you a sad look, and pulls you closer.

You tense immediately, unused to any form of contact.

He notices your discomfort, and wraps one arm tighter around your waist, the other going behind you in order to cradle your head against his shoulder. This is very odd for you, and you really have no idea what you should be doing. You start to fidget, which is an uncontrollable, nervous habit of yours.

You soon break down.

"Cronus, please let me go. I do not wish to be touched, not just by you, but by anyone else. It would be very helpful if you could remove your limbs from mine at once," you request.

Cronus ignores you, and you definitely do not begin to freak out.

"Cronus Ampora! Unhand me this instant, or I will terminate you! I mean it! Let go of me right now, or I will not hesitate to bring out my scythe and end you!", you screech in a completely undignified manner.

He continues to pay you no attention.

"Cronus... Come on, please? I really don't need this kind of trauma after what I have just experienced. Trying to keep everyone together is hard work, and I try so hard to keep my mental faculties intact. It takes a lot of effort and discipline to be the spiritual Shepard of our clan. I don't know how I manage, considering the fact that no one will listen to what I have to say. Is it really that difficult to lend your ear to someone who wants to be heard? Cronus, you are the only person with whom I've actually carried out a whole conversation with. Everyone else will yell at me, or avoid me, or just be really rude to me in general. I-I... I just don't know what to do!", you sob.

Cronus listens, but doesn't stop, and simply begins to pet your hair softly, loosening his grip on you slightly.

You sob into his shirt, desperately trying to calm yourself down, but you can't find it in yourself to stop crying.

"It's gonna be alright. Just let it out," Cronus murmurs, continuing his ministrations.

After what feels like hours, your hiccuping tears are reduced to mere sniffles. You feel your heart rate decrease, and you notice that you find Cronus' attempts to calm you actually... calming. Without really realizing, you nuzzle against his neck. Suddenly, he makes this... peculiar noise. It is best described as a deep, rumbling sound, emanating from his chest. 

The mysterious noise sounds like that of a contented meowbeast.

In a way, you find the sound comforting, and you curl into Cronus. You feel... safe? Yes, you feel safe with Cronus, like you can trust him. You don't know why you suddenly feel this way, but it isn't altogether unpleasant. To be honest, it's sort of nice.

Your thoughts are interrupted when Cronus presses his lips to the top of your head.

You blush furiously, and bury your face in his neck, in an attempt to conceal it from his vision. You aren't really sure how to feel about the fact that he kissed your head. On one side, it was extremely pleasant, and you kind of want him to do it again, but on another, it's a little disconcerting. You think that this relationship might be moving a bit too fast for you.

"Um... Cronus...?"

"Yeah?"

You hesitate, before saying, "I like you. As in, I mean that I like you in a not-so-platonic way. Though, I suppose that could be misconstrued as my saying that I didn't like you at all, and that is most certainly not the message that I am trying to convey. The correct term for such emotions is lost to me, as I really have absolutely no idea as to what I am doing in this situation. I suppose what I mean to say is that I feel extreme fondness towards you, Cronus, but I do not pity you, as I am probably supposed to. I care for you, and I very much enjoy being in your company. Right now, I am physically and emotionally closer to you than I have ever been with another life form. I don't even mind that you're this close to me, nor the fact that you are touching me. Under normal circumstances, I would be very uncomfortable with this position, but I feel very safe with you, Cronus. Anyhow, I'm rambling once again, and I do not think that you would wish to listen to my incessant speech any longer."

Cronus smiles at you.

You honestly have no idea what you did that would cause him to do that.

"Don't say sorry to me because you wanna talk. I like listening to you. Your voice is nice. And what you're feeling is perfectly normal! Y'know, that warm feeling you get, it starts in your chest, and spreads everywhere. Or how you get all shy around me. Or like the first time I kissed you, and you got all giggly and blushed. It's called 'love', Kanny. Love is a human emotion, and it isn't really apart of the troll dictionary, but it's fine to feel that way," he beams.

"Er... alright...", you trail off.

You two fall into silence again. You notice that the odd sound coming from Cronus' chest is still there. You ask him about it.

"Oh, that? It's called purring. You can do it, too. It ain't voluntary, though, so don't try to force yourself to do it on command," Cronus answers.

"But how do you do it?", you ask, curiosity momentarily over-shadowing your manners.

"All trolls can do it. They make the sound when they're just altogether really happy with what's happening, or when they feel safe and stuff. I'm making it right now because I like to be around you, and that makes me happy. I love you, Kankri," he responds.

"Oh," you say dumbly. "I love you too."

Cronus hums happily into your hair, scratching your scalp softly. You lean into the touch, glad to have these emotions sorted out. 

You suddenly feel a strange urge, and it hits you like a four-wheeled-device. You push it out of your thoughts, but it comes back even stronger than before. You are forced to wage a war, between an impulse you thought you were capable of controlling, and what rationality you have left to cling to.

Eventually, you can't take it anymore, so you sit up, and face your matesprit.

"What's up, Kanny?", he asks.

You study his face inquisitively, not bothering to answer his question. You search his once violet eyes, which are filled in confusion, and move up to his forehead, where two scars lie. They have always secretly fascinated you. Your eyes move next to peer at his hair, and you wonder just how much grease he actually puts in it.

"Hey. Kankri, you're kinda freakin' me out. Don't get me wrong, I like the fact that you can appreciate a great view, it would just help if you stopped spacing out on me. What's going on in that head of yours?"

"Huh? Oh, I was just wondering... that is, if it isn't too much of a bother. I just... You know how you always kiss me on the cheek? Well... I was just thinking... What if you kissed me... on the lips?"

Cronus looked at you in surprise, eyebrows raised. You had a feeling he wasn't going to like this.

"That just about sounds like the best idea you've ever thought of! That is, are you sure you're ok with this? I don't have to kiss you if you don't want me to. It just seems a little sudden for you. I'm perfectly fine with the cheek kisses," Cronus states, much to your surprise.

"I would kind of like to see how kissing feels. I've been told that it is something that couples like to do, and they engage in it frequently, whether in public, or... leading up to 'other concupicient events'. Not that I'm volunteering for anything of that magnitude, for I have no desire to, and I am celibate! I do, however, wish to partake in this ritual known as kissing. I think that it would make an interesting and educational experiment," you reassure him.

Cronus still seems a little hesitant, but speaks anyway. "As long as you're positive that you want this...", he trails off.

"Please, can you just do it before I change my mind?", you demand.

"Alright, let's get this show on the road!", Cronus exclaims.

You roll your eyes at the silly phrase, which is quite the feat, considering you don't have pupils. He simply laughs.

Cronus takes your face in his hands, and his touch is soft, gentle with you, as if you would break if he were to grasp you tighter. He slowly moves his face closer to yours, until he's so close, you can feel the heat of his breath.

Then, all of a sudden, he tilts his head forwards, and your lips meet.

The first thing you feel is the same, familiar yet completely new warmth. It's everywhere -- your lips, your chest, your toes, the pit of your stomach -- and it comes in sharp bursts, before fading away, and coming back again. You definitely like this, your heart rate increasing exponentially fast. You shiver at Cronus' soft lips against yours, and he starts to pull away.

You immediately put your hands on his forearms, desperately trying to keep him there.

Thankfully, he complies, his lips resting against yours. You now know why others feel the need to engage in kissing so frequently, as it is an extremely pleasurable activity. You would very much like to see yourself staying this position all day.

In an unexpected turn of events, Cronus begins to move his lips.

You try your best to follow along and mimic him, but you end up screwing up, because you really have no idea what to do. You really do try, but you just can't do it.

You separate from him, turning your face away and not looking him in the eye.

Cronus brings his hand to your cheek, and pulls you back, giving you a reassuring look, "What's wrong?"

You pull away, shaking your head.

"Hey, c'mon. It wasn't that bad, was it?", he asks you.

"No, not at all. It was quite the opposite, actually. I really liked it," you insist.

"Then what's the problem?", Cronus wondered.

"The problem is that I'm really no good at this. I'm trying, Cronus, I really am, but I just don't know how to do this. I don't know how to feel, and I don't know what to do. I don't know why you bothered with me, to be honest. I really am no good for you. You would be better off with someone more experienced, like Porrim, or Rufioh, or Damara. Not with me. I'm just not your type. I talk too much, I read too much, and I'm definitely not as outgoing and forward as some of our other friends. I'm wasn't made to be in a relationship. I was made to study, to learn, and to teach. That is all that I am good at."

"Oh, Kankri, don't say that! You are twice as amazing as any of those fools could ever hope to be. You're smart, cute, and you can be real funny when you wanna be. Not to mention the fact that you are smokin' hot! I ain't just sayin' that because I love you! I really do think you're beautiful. I don't want Porrim, Rufioh, or Damara, I want you. Besides, I like your voice, the fact that you read so much is really impressive, and I think the fact that you're shy is better than if you were pushy and aggressive. You're doing just fine, and it's natural to be nervous and kinda confused! You're still learning, after all!", he vociferated boisterously.

You tried to counter him. "Cronus, I-"

"No, I'm not going to let you sell yourself short. You mean the world to me, Kan, and I won't let you downplay any of the stuff that I said. I mean it, you really are that special, and anyone who can't see that shouldn't have even made it outta the brooding caverns for being so stupid. You've never been in a quadrant with someone else -- so of course you have no idea what you're doing -- but that doesn't mean you can't learn. You said it yourself, you're good at learning! Well... I can teach you a few things," Cronus cuts you off, punctuating his last statement with a small eyebrow-wiggle to ease the tension.

This, of course, makes you both laugh, and become extremely embarrassed at the same time.

You blush a little a more (and look away) as Cronus takes your hand and peppers it with kisses. Soon, he has your chin between his fingers, and he's pulling your face back to look at him. 

Before you even really know what's going on, Cronus' lips are on yours again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, a lot more words than last chapter. Yay? (I have no idea what's going on. What am I doing with my life?) So anyway, thanks to everyone for all of the positive feedback, it makes me really glad that I posted this!
> 
> (Also, I just wanted to say sorry to Newtavore. If you even made it through this chapter, I just want to say that I am really sorry about all of the kissing. I know that you are utterly repulsed by kissing, but it's kind of the norm for my stories. I really hope it doesn't impact your feelings on my writing abilities, myself, or the story. Really, I'm truly sorry, but I really like to write kissing scenes.)


	4. >Cronus: Console

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of June 12th (the anniversary of hivebent) I am posting something. This is the last chapter of the (apparently very well-written) LOIPAHG saga. That anagram really is the worst. Oh well! The forth and final chapter awaits, dear reader!
> 
> HUZZAH!
> 
> (Why the hell did I do that? I don't even know!)

Your name is Cronus Ampora and your matesprit has never been kissed before.

You knew that Kankri was celibate -- not just because he tells you all the time, but because you (stalked) watched him constantly before you two got together -- but you had no idea how much experience he had with relationships.

That is to say, he didn't have any.

You kissed him, not roughly, but deeply, his soft, warm lips in contrast with your cold, more experienced ones. His response was definitely... something else. Kankri shuddered, gasping when your tongue entered his mouth. 

Putting it simply, he was extremely vocal. Although, if you wanted to be descriptive, your matesprit had all but melted into it, chirring and clicking happily. You have never heard him make those noises before. In fact, he probably never has.

You should do this more often.

You break the kiss, because Kankri looks like he might be having a panic attack with how fast his heart is racing. You can all but hear it. An image of a human carton character comes to mind, the shape of a heart hammering against their chest so hard, you can see it. 

Kankri whimpers pitifully when your lips leave his, scooting closer and trying to bring them back. You give him a small peck, and rest your foreheads together, nuzzling his.

"What was that you said when I asked you out? Something about you being 'above such desires', that they were 'trivial, primal urges'? Hm... looks to me like I might've changed your mind, wouldn't you say, Kanny?", you laugh breathlessly.

He scoffs, still panting. "I wasn't referring to the sharing of contact between lips. In fact, now that I have tried it firsthand, I encourage, and wholly approve of it. When I said that, I was referring to-"

"Alright, Cheif, I got it! I was just teasing, there's no need to say the 'p-word'. You're right. Anyway, what did you think of that?", you smirk.

"Well... It was... admittedly, quite different than anything I have ever experienced. It was thrilling... I liked it. Though, I must say, the noises that I seemed to have made were quite odd, what with never having made them before. Are those sounds similar to purring?"

"Well... yeah... I guess. They tend to be more minor things, and it doesn't really take a lot to make 'em. They're also more related to... uh... pleasure," you finish awkwardly, scratching the back of your neck. You're embarrassed that you had to be the one to tell him, yet a little content that you could make him feel something.

Kankri looks at you wide-eyed, one hand cupped over his mouth, clearly horrified, and the other over his chest.

You just made a very stupid mistake. You probably scared the crap out of him.

You take the hand on his chest in both of yours and reassure him, "Hey, it's nothing you should worry about! Those are perfectly natural noises, and you don't gotta be ashamed for making them! It just means that you like kissing, not that you wanna break your vow with me or anything like that! Don't worry, you're okay. Besides, if anyone could use some good feelings, it's definitely you. You stress yourself out too much."

"Oh, alright... I suppose... that this is allowed, then...", Kankri trails off, his breathing finally normal.

"I thought it was great," you supplied.

"You- you did?", he looked shocked.

"Yeah! Best kiss I've ever had!", you exclaimed honestly.

Kankri nodded shyly, leaning on your shoulder again. The silence gives you a moment to think. You were completely honest with him. You always are.

Kankri shivers a little. You look down at him.

"You alright, Kanny?", you ask.

"Yes, Cronus, I am perfectly fine," Kankri states, his breath ghosting over your neck. "I'm just a little cold," he adds quietly.

You wrap your arms around your matesprit tightly, rubbing up and down and trying to create warmth. He sits up and curls into himself, his thin legs going up to his chest and his arms going around them. He's still in your lap as you kiss his cheek.

You continue to pepper kisses on Kankri's nose, forehead, and any other spot of his face besides his lips. You move your kisses down his cheek, under his jaw, to his neck. You leave light kisses there, Kankri squirming and panting with every brush of skin.

"Cronus...", he sighs, his fingers finding their way into your hair. "I would... appreciate it very m-much if you would p-please s-stop," he trembles.

You smirk at Kankri's reaction, kissing back up and meeting your lips with his. He chokes a little in surprise, breathing heavily. You had a feeling he was going to hit you, lecture you, something -- there was no way he was just going to let you just get away with this.

Since your matespritship with Kankri started, he has continued to prove you wrong.

Instead of pushing you away or getting up and going away himself, Kankri clings to you, using the hands in your hair to pull you closer. You put your hands on his hips and he wraps his legs around your waist, facing you now. He's still trembling.

Kankri only trembles when he feels nervous.

You don't want him to be nervous. You want him to be careless, free, happy, and you don't want him feeling insecure, or scared. Especially not with you. You rub a hand up and down the curve of his spine, just lightly, and then you hear it.

Kankri Vantas, your matesprit, is purring.

The sound itself is very faint, and you can barely hear it over your breathing, but it's there. It's a trilling, high-pitched noise, scratched and clipped and raspy from disuse, but it sounds like heaven coming from him. It could possibly be the most beautiful sound you've ever heard.

Sadly, the purr is gone almost as soon as it came, and Kankri has broken the kiss.

You focus on him, and he's got his hands cupped over his mouth, looking down at himself appallingly. You get him to look at you, instead, taking his face in your hands. You swipe your thumbs over his cheeks, and kiss him softly. He leans into it, then violently jerks back, looking away.

"Cronus, this goes against everything I believe in. All of my morals, my codes, my mottos, this has thoroughly trumped all of them. I just- I can't do this."

"What? Why not? You seemed fine earlier."

"I'm not supposed to do this. I'm not supposed to feel things, or be in quadrants with people. My purposes in life and in death are simply to study and to educate. To learn and to teach. I am not supposed to love someone, or let them kiss me and hold me and coddle me. My life and death were meant to exist for the soul purpose of knowledge, like a machine of sorts. I am not meant for relationships. I am not supposed to feel," Kankri growls, and at this point he sounds like he's trying to convince himself more than you.

You take a deep breath. 

This universe has been so cruel to him. Even in death, he still worries so much. He can't catch a break. It kills you to see him hurting like this, burns you deep in your soul. It makes you want to hurt the people who did this to him beyond repair. You want to hurt them like they've hurt him.

You can't really afford to hurt anyone right now, though. You have to think of your matesprit.

"Kankri, I don't want you to think like that. You shouldn't have to feel that way. It is your right to be with someone, whether you want to, or not. No one can take that away from you. Believe it or not, you deserve to be happy. Everyone does -- even people who've done things as rotten as I have! You don't just have to teach and learn stuff. You can do whatever the hell you want! I'll be there for you, no matter what!"

Kankri doesn't speak, so you keep going, "I love you, Kan. It hurts me to hear you thinking that way. No one should have to put up with the kinds of things that you go through on a daily basis. I don't want you to think that you have to be a teacher anymore. I don't want you thinking that you're worthless, or that no one should love you, either. You aren't a machine, you're flesh and blood, and being taken care of isn't a bad thing. I want to kiss you, and hold you, and coddle you, because I care about you."

"Are you sure that you're willing to put up with me though? I am obviously not matesprit material. You really could do so much better. Anyone would be a more suitable pa-"

You really don't want Kankri to say things like that, so you cut him off with another kiss.

This time, you caught him completely off guard.

He jumps up, shocked, but you're holding onto him so that he won't leave. He takes a big exhale out of his nose, his once-stiff posture dissipating as he relaxes into your hold. You kiss him slowly, pulling him closer. Kankri's hands go to your chest and his palms lay flat there.

All of a sudden, the purring is back.

It sounds shy, hesitant, like he's afraid you'll hurt him if he purrs too loud. Before Kankri can make the effort to stop the noise, you cover one of his hands, picking it up. You take the tiny, slender hand and lace your fingers in his. 

Your other hand goes to his neck, brushing over it softly and deepening the kiss.

Kankri purrs and makes the odd chirrup, here and there, but you don't make a sound. You want to hear his noises, see his reactions. This couldn't possibly be less about you. 

After a while, you break the kiss to let Kankri catch his breath. This time, instead of trying to kiss you again, he blushes, smiling softly, before resting his forehead on your shoulder. Your arms go around him again, but he refuses to let go of your hand.

Kankri nuzzles his face into the crook of you neck, under you chin, and you brush stray locks of hair away from his face. You give him soft, gentle touches. You let him know that he's loved with your actions, not just your words.

You don't care about what everyone else thinks.

You don't care how they see you, and you don't think you ever have. They all hate you -- you know that -- because you've said and done some pretty awful things to people. The only reason for your rudeness is that you never really cared about anyone, especially not in the ways you care about Kankri.

Not one of your friends will ever come close.

You wish that Kankri didn't care so much about what the others thought. It eats him up inside, always trying to be perfect and not screw up. He tags just about everything he says with some sort of trigger warning, because he's so afraid that he might hurt someone's feelings.

Instead of him hurting them, it's the other way around.

They bully him. Everyone teases him, tortures him with nasty words and full-on threats. They call him things, too -- ugly, weak, mouthy, insufferable. You always hear it, but you're gone before you can tell them off.

The scary thing is, when you get to him, Kankri isn't even phased by what happened.

He just expects it now. People have told him for his whole life that he was worthless, and he believes it. He truly thinks that no one will love him. This is a lie, of course, because you don't think you could ever even imagine loving someone else.

You will stay with him forever, even if he doesn't want you there.

Throughout all of the time you have been going steady, you don't think you've ever told Kankri how much you really cared. At least, not until today. What the others said had made you realize this, and now, you'll never stop telling him. 

The things that everyone told him, those are probably the nicest things they've said to Kankri in a long time.

You don't care what they think, they can say whatever they want about you. However, they would have to be both blind and deaf to not know how special Kankri is.

Sometimes, you wonder if he will ever see himself the way you see him.

You know that you'll never be able to fix him, make him see how much of a treasure he really is. You can't. He'll probably never be okay, to be honest. It makes you sad to see him hurting, even though you know there's nothing you can do. 

You just hope that you can make it easier for him, and that's enough for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope that wasn't a stupid way to end this! I tried, okay. Maybe I forgot how to ending. Maybe I never knew how in the first place. Maybe endings are simply an illusion, a mirage, a daunting masquerade, concocted by the vast abyss itself for the soul purpose of drawing us in and wrapping us up in a safe cocoon of pleasant dreams and awful nightmares. 
> 
> What am I even talking about?
> 
> On that obscure note, I would like to thank each and every person who reads this, gives me a kudos or a comment, bookmarks this, or even looks at the title and dismisses it as ridiculous folly. You are all really nice to me and I hope that each and every one of you has a great day!


End file.
